The following is an article that was written about me.

So, what’s a girl do with her Barbie® doll? For Wendy , she couldn’t find much to do with her first one. “After I cut her hair, I didn’t really know what to do with her.” Being a tomboy, Wendy preferred climbing trees, riding a bicycle and digging dirt. She admits that she was a shy, meek child who had very few friends growing up. Born in Fort Bragg, North Carolina, Wendy lived on various military bases with her parents. Her father was an officer in the Army and his travels took her family to Hawaii, Georgia and to the Dallas/Forth Worth where she has been living since 1981.

Wendy met her future husband Michael when she was 18 at a restaurant. Their tables were near one another and it wasn’t too long before Wendy and Michael began dating and eventually took to living together. It made sense to make it official since they had a child together and were in the habit of calling each other husband and wife. So with a little coaxing from Wendy’s father they were married by a Justice of the Peace in 1993. “There was no honeymoon. We hardly had two nickels to rub together.”

Before Wendy and Michael married, Wendy gave birth to their son Justin on January 29, 1993. Justin was Wendy’s second child. She has another son, Aaron, born September 11, 1989, from an earlier relationship that lasted briefly when she was 16 years old. “Aaron grew up calling Michael, ‘Daddy.’” Aaron is healthy and lives in his own place now.

At the age of 20 and pregnant with Justin, Wendy learned that she was HIV-positive. Back then, Dallas county hospitals were some of the few that tested pregnant women for HIV. Ironically, it was fortunate for her that they did mandatory testing of pregnant women, otherwise chances are Wendy would not be alive to talk about her life today. Because of Wendy’s known positive status, Michael had been tested and it was found that he too was HIV-positive. “Michael was bisexual. I knew he was when we met. That never bothered me. It wasn't an issue because when I am in a relationship even if I am attracted to other people, I am fully committed to the person I am with. I was naive enough to think the same would apply to him” Wendy never imagined that Michael could be HIV-positive. “It never occurred to me. It wasn’t something that touched my life. It wasn’t a reality to me. I never even thought about HIV” Wendy says that most of Michael’s friends were gay and later learned some of them were positive. “Likely, he knew he could be HIV-positive when he met me. But we never talked about it and I never blamed him for infecting me." Her thoughts about her infection, “I loved him. What was done could not be undone.”

As far as Wendy knew, Michael was faithful to her throughout the first four years of their marriage. She says he began seeing men and even introduced her to one of them. “At the time I did not think that any other man would want me so I put up with behavior that I normally wouldn’t put up with. I was HIV-positive and had two children. I was a housewife. The kids and my marriage were my life.”

Unfortunately, when Wendy gave birth to Justin, the doctors didn’t offer her any treatment to keep Justin free from HIV. Not much was known about the virus back then, and preventing transmission from mother to child was a feat back in the early days of the pandemic. Not only was that a barrier to keeping Justin safe from HIV, they also did not perform Caesarian sections. “He was infected,” Wendy says. She describes Justin as a “sunny, loving, beautiful child.” Because of HIV, Justin was smaller than the average healthy child. His growth was stunted and his learning abilities were not up to par when compared to healthy children his age. “He needed more help than Aaron did.” Justin needed speech therapy and Wendy was told that his heart was abnormally large, which the doctors said was common in HIV-positive children. Justin remained fairly healthy for the first three years of his life. His t-cells were high, but during his third year he began to fall ill.

It was found that Justin had an infection but the doctors didn’t know where it was. His big heart was not working properly. “They started giving him digoxin and gamma globulin treatments to help him. The gamma treatments would only work for about a week. Then he would get listless and pale again. “We practically lived in Children’s Medical Center for the last three or four months of his life.” Sometime in March of 1997, tiny Justin had had a heart attack. His last words where, “Help me momma. I’m stuck in the mud.” CPR was performed on him and shortly thereafter he was placed in ICU. Wendy sat in that room with him for a week with hopes that he “would be taken off the machines that were keeping him alive and be fine.” Sadly, Justin lost his battle with HIV and died on April 4, 1997. He was only four years old. An autopsy had been performed and it was found that he had an antibiotic resistant infection between the pericardium and his heart which destroyed his heart muscle.

After losing her youngest son, Wendy’s battle continued. She turned her focus onto her husband’s well-being. In 1998, Michael had been experiencing chronic lung infections. During a stay in the hospital he was prescribed 8 Bactrim a day for 2 weeks by a doctor who did not specialize in HIV. “Taking that many Bactrim killed most of his liver function.” Wendy says, “We trusted the doctors with everything back then. We didn’t know that the dosage was far too high” In 1999, Michael suffered a stroke and lost most of his function on the right side of his body and then became incontinent. “He went on disability and I took care of him at home,” which comes as no surprise since Wendy had graduated as a Medical Assistant back in 1990. And although she never actually worked in the field, she received hands on experience taking care of Justin and then Michael until the day they died.

Michael passed away at the age of 30 in 2001. Now it was time for Wendy to focus on herself. “I really didn’t cope with my diagnosis at first. I was ashamed and scared. I didn’t tell anyone.” And she kept this secret for nearly a year until her brother found some paperwork mentioning HIV. He turned to her parents in fear. In intervention style, Wendy’s family confronted her about being HIV positive. “After that, everyone important to me knew.” Wendy was relieved that her family knew. “It was difficult hiding my status. We where living with my mother. I don’t like lying about anything. I never have.” She believes her CD4 count was in the 400’s when she was diagnosed. “It’s difficult for me to remember the details back then because I was in denial.” She does not recall a viral load from back then, most likely due to the fact that there wasn’t any test to measure for a viral load. She says, “Hell, back then I didn’t even know what those numbers meant and that it was important to keep track of them.”
Wendy experienced shingles twice and had pneumonia three or four times over the years, had a lymph gland in her neck removied and also had wasting syndrome. “For a while when I was underweight I had trouble walking. It was never diagnosed why, but I would frequently fall because my legs would suddenly be paralyzed.”

She also suffered with dementia and cryptosporidium along with irritable bowel syndrome. She says, “Most of my serious problems were years ago when I was underweight.” Her lowest CD4 count ever,was 3, and the highest was about 800. “On meds, I usually have no trouble maintaining an undetectable viral load.” But because of a drug holiday my tcells are below 200 right now. But I am working on it." When talking about stigma and being discriminated against because of her status, she states, “When you are around people who don’t know your status and the subject of HIV comes up, you can hear some pretty stupid things.”

Wendy never felt discriminated against because of HIV rather she was treated differently because she was a woman. Her husband Michael on the other hand had been fired before once his employer found out he was HIV positive. But of course they cleverly made it look like he was fired for other reasons.

She receives HIV services from a clinic in Dallas where she was one of the few women who went there for care and treatment when it first opened. Now there are many. She says that the only ASO’s available in her area when she was first diagnosed where run by gay services and the majority of clients at the clinic where white gay men. “Many men embraced me, but many also treated me rudely or even with hostility.” Wendy doesn’t count on a cure for HIV, but says she has hope. “Because HIV mutates, I don’t know if they will ever be able to cure everyone.” But still she wishes for one. Wendy loves reading thrillers, suspense and horror books. She enjoys music from the 20's to today. “I’m fairly eclectic, but I really hate Rap.” She claims to be a picky eater and has some food phobias. “I think I could live on chicken and rice. My favorite food is Chinese. Anything artistic such as painting, drawing and photography are things that Wendy is taken in by.

She toyed with starting her own HIV website. “I made up several free sites and eventually bought www.winiroo.com.” However, she never did much with the site because it was too time consuming and expensive. “But the site does link to my free pages.” Although she hasn’t edited the free pages in a while, and some of the links are dead, she believes there may be lots of useful HIV links available.

Note from Wendy...

Winiroo.com no longer works

I asked Wendy if she were given the chance to turn back time, would she do it. She said, “I’d be tempted to but I don’t think I would. Changing things in my past would change who I am today. The struggles and heartaches I’ve endured have made me who I am. I am happy with who I am.” The most important thing in Wendy’s life is, “living happy and feeling secure.” Her biggest fan is her boyfriend Billy. “He adores me.” They met each other through a heterosexual HIV social group in 2003. “He is my best friend and the nicest most caring man I’ve ever met.”

Wendy advises the newly diagnosed to, “Try to stay in the moment. Don’t live in the past or the future. It’s tough to do, but every time you get there, you get to truly live. Be optimistic. Take charge of your medical care, be assertive and get informed in your treatment. Doctors can and do make mistakes.” She goes on to say, “Celebrate your life. Allow yourself to be silly sometimes, it will lengthen your years, and brighten your life. Take care of your body. Eat right, get plenty of rest and eliminate as much stress and drama from your life as possible.” And last but not least, “If you have been given an expiration date that doesn’t mean you have to keep it. An AIDS diagnosis is no longer a death sentence.” The message she has for the HIV-negative world is, "I am the face of AIDS. I am your mother, sister, daughter and the girl next door. I am not dying, I am living and I will not be ashamed.”

Today, Wendy, 36, is a caretaker for an elderly gentleman who is mentally ill. This remarkable, nurturing, caring and compassionate woman, who has courage and dignity in the highest of realms, certainly beats that of Barbie® on any given day. Truly, Wendy is an inspiration, and someone to be looked up to. So Mattel®, where’s our Wendy doll?

Patricia Steen Senior Writer